


Spaghetti

by SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll (dainochild)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-18
Updated: 2009-05-18
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:44:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dainochild/pseuds/SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Envy dyed his hair and it's annoying the hell out of Ed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spaghetti

Inexplicably, or at least that's how it seemed to Ed, Envy had decided he'd had enough of green and dyed his hair blonde. If that wasn't horrifying enough, he then had streaks of messy red running through the dreads, never going past his pale cheeks.

It was weird.

Ed couldn't stop staring. Nothing he tried would drag his eyes away from the weirdo with yellow-and-red hair. Envy had officially gone from merely eccentric and mostly harmless into plain ridiculous and paranoia inducing.

What if these new hair colours were some kind of warning that he was going to kill them all?

"Seriously," Ed groaned, head shaking in disgust. "Who'd be stupid enough to make their hair look like…  _THAT_?"

"Obviously Envy," Winry sighed. She rapped her pen on her notebook, but it was only a momentary distraction. "How about instead of complaining to me you just go and ask? Since you care so much and all."

"How about you shut up and finish copying my homework?"

Winry rolled her eyes as she stood. "If you're not going to ask, Edward Elric, then  _I_  will!" Tossing her hair back rather pointedly, she stormed across the room to where Envy was having some hind of pen-fight with Roy.

"En guard!"

"Never! Surprise buttseckz is too fun!" Envy emphasised his point by waggling his eyebrows and making suggestive stabbing motions with the pen.

Not that it's hard to make a sword-fight suggestive.

"Ah, fag germs! Get 'em away!"

Winry stood by their table, a hand on her hip, and it was then Ed realised that she was dead serious. She really was going to ask.

"Ah, shit," the not-so-alchemist groaned. Hesitantly, he went to liger not too close but not too far. Close enough to leap in and help if worst turned to worse and Envy tried to kill Winry with his shoe, but far enough away to appear casual.

It made him feel like some kind of vigilante knight. Like Batman.

"Hey, Envy," Winry called while Roy cowered behind a conveniently placed Bible. "Why'd you dye your hair like that?  _Ed_  wants to know."

Now he just felt like a loser and was filled with a simultaneous urge to murder Winry and be swallowed up by the scratchy school carpet.

Roy snickered and Envy turned faintly pink. Slapping Mustang's arm with a mutter of ' _shut up_ ', Envy forced his embarrassed grimace into an awkward grin.

"Why, simple," he said, pressing his hands on the desk. "It is because…" Suddenly, he leapt until he stood posed dramatically and shouted, "I AM THE SPAGHETTI MONSTER!"

The room seemed to echo with the stupid shout. Ed really hoped that wasn't contagious or anything. Though it did start to sink in, how the dreadlocks looked like the pasta and the red was like tomato sauce…

"The drunken spaghetti monster," Roy sneered.

That explained it. Even someone as bizarre as Envy would have to be drunk to do such a thing.

For some reason, Winry sighed and shook her head. "What a pity." As she turned to face Ed, his blood ran cold. He knew that smirk, it was demonic. "Ed doesn't like spaghetti."

The very next day, Envy's hair was once again green.


End file.
